If you are lucky enough to be a couple that are each other’s one true love who have met across the sands of time and come together to form the most perfect union ever, never fight or get mad, never have a cross word to say, and always agree…good for you. It’s rare, and precious.

For the rest of us, relationships take work. But there’s a few key points to take into consideration when entering a relationship. Are you able to speak to each other without becoming heated when you are discussing important things? Or do you avoid certain topics to keep from having to deal with the fallout? Do you laugh together? That is one of the most important things I have found. If you laugh together often, you found at least a great friend which is a great base for a relationship, but not necessarily one that you want to pursue. Sometimes friendships are better left as just that, friendship. Do you have similar interests? Not a dealbreaker, but it’s important when you are trying to find things to do together.

Either way, relationships are sometimes difficult, and can even be harsh at times, but sometimes you just have to argue. It gives everyone time to think about what was said and come up with some new conclusions. The good news is that even an argument can be productive as long as you each realize that you both have to find common ground to move forward. If you can do that you are on your way. And don’t yell, nobody is listening when everyone is yelling. There was an old commercial for a perfume, its bottom line was; “If you want to capture someone’s attention, whisper.” I’ve lived with that statement a long time and done my best to live by it. It works. If someone is yelling and you speak softly to them, they have to stop yelling to hear you. It fricking works. As I said if you are yelling nobody’s listening. Don’t let money be that big of an issue in your relationship, make decisions together, save for what you want, make it a together project to reach your goal. And have fun with it. Of course, money is the biggest fight starter, and right now there are a lot of people fighting about it out there because it’s so tight. But realize it’s tight for everyone, not just you, and yes it’s stressful, yes it makes people angry, but concentrate on what you NEED in life to be happy. You’d be surprised at the things you really don’t need that can save you money and help you along the path to being happy. Less is definitely more in this instance.

I have been lucky, I have met some of the most wonderful partners in my life, people who truly made me happy. Now did all of those relationships end well? No. I’ve been guilty of thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. I was wrong. If I had just put the time into my then relationship, I would have figured that out. We were all young and stupid once. We make mistakes, as humans we all make mistakes. If you are adult enough to own up to your mistakes you will get a lot further in this world and in your relationships. And don’t lie. If you don’t lie, you don’t have to remember what you lied about, there’s no getting caught, no awkward moments, nothing to deal with there. And when you are not lying, make sure you aren’t lying to yourself either. Make sure you are happy in your relationship, if you aren’t, saying nothing to save someone’s feelings is a mistake. The relationship will eventually crash. Be honest, it may be something you can work out together! If not, then you both can move on and try and find the one for you. I didn’t say this was easy and it’s not. Sometimes there’s a lot of tears and pain, you just have to live with it and grow from it, and don’t make the same mistakes again.

Don’t rush into moving in together, getting married, or any major milestone in the relationship. Give yourself time to be sure that it’s what you want and need to be happy. And don’t lose yourself in the relationship because that doesn’t work either. Make sure you stay yourself, keep your ideals, your morals, your experiences, keep yourself in the relationship. It’s easy to go along with everything in the beginning, not to have an opinion, but why? That’s phony. Be real. Be yourself. If there’s something you don’t particularly like, don’t do it. If it’s not your thing, say so! It’s ok, you are allowed! And if you’re saying so ends the relationship…so be it. It wasn’t worth your time to begin with,

You can be in love, very in love, it’s the best feeling in the world, just make sure it’s what you want and you are not conforming to be someone else’s ideal mate. That will eventually fail. Be yourself. Enjoy your partner, enjoy the time you spend together, don’t forget how nice a date can be even if you are already married. It’s a chance for each of you to be you and to be you together, no kids, no pets, no worries. Just the two of you. It’s important to set that time aside and to use it. Hopefully you will all find happiness, that is my wish for you, talk about everything, sex can be a tricky one, but don’t let it be. If there’s something you want that you aren’t getting, say so. Don’t let sex be weird to discuss. We’re all adults it’s something that is at the cornerstone of most relationships, and it’s worth talking about.